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March 11th, 2005
04:08 pm - Long time no update...
But seeing as I've managed to get myself yet another job despite no qualifications, I thought I might let my legions of adoring fans know.
See, it's all about who you know, not what you know.
Current Mood: accomplished
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October 20th, 2004
05:51 pm - Head above the ramparts
I've been taking it easy of late, as you may have noticed. Or not noticed, seeing as I've been keeping a low profile. Unusual, but true.
Still, I think it's time to dip my toes in the water of public life again. So I commissioned an interview in The Village Magazine, the new weekly news and current affairs thingy published by Vincent Browne.
Named some names. Set some facts straight. Got me own back on one or two people. Without actually saying anything, if you see what I mean. Think I came across really well - a tough, mature, driven man with commitment, yet with a sensitive side under that handsome but rugged exterior.
Some nicely posed photos, too, cos like, bein' on the dole for a bit now, I might need to fall back on the modelling for a bit. Strictly part time, obviously.
HAH! In your face, Cyprian! Nyah Nyah Nyah!
*Ahem*
Anyway - the Village Magazine. 80 pages, some of them with me on them, and a bloody good read, too, all for a couple of yoyos. Available from all good newsagents, now.
Current Mood: predatory
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August 24th, 2004
11:31 pm - The Rose of Tralee
One of my Dedicated Readers, ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) my_name_is_fiki, has requested my thoughts on the Rose of Tralee Festival, and I am happy to oblige.
Now, Mr. Fiki describes the event as a fiasco, and I have to say I think that's a little harsh. It has it's good years and it's bad - a bit like a Fianna Fáil selection convention or Ard Fheis, in that regard.
Undoubtedly it's finest year in recent memory was in 2001, when the quality of escort was exquisite. Sure I'm half convinced my own stalwart performance at the week-long event was a contributory factor in my elevation to Lord Mayor of Dublin. Having being selected as one of the 26 most eligible bachelors in all Ireland, could Bertie afford to ignore my ascendency? Of course not!
Em, the women weren't half bad looking either.
It was, of course, impossible for the organisers to match that, and I'm afraid things have gone downhill from there. Last year, of course, was a disaster, what with the burst water pipe and the poor girls not being able to shower. Let me tell you, some of them were the worst for that! Even I, Lord Mayor of Dublin at the time, was forced to use bottled water to brush my teeth! But sure not to worry, didn't I have an aide to bring me up 20 litres of Evian so I could shower. Personally, I blame that gombeen Jackie Healy-Rae. If he'd got more money spent on the waterworks instead of upgrading the roads around his house, we'd have been grand.
Being in attendance as Lord Mayor of Dublin had it's perks, of course, and let's just say the Dublin Rose did well that year and leave it at that...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/thinking.gif) nostalgic
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August 10th, 2004
10:52 am - More famouser
If you have your own website, that means you're famous, right?
Admittedly I haven't bothered updating it any time recently. I'm still claiming to be the Lord Mayor, f'rinstance. But hey, I've been on my holidays!
So if you have two websites, that means you're more famouser, right?
Good, 'cos I appear to have another one. Funnily enough, I don't seem to remember making the newer one...
Current Mood: accomplished
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July 15th, 2004
05:03 pm - I haven't gone away, you know...
( Sunday Independent, June 20th )
Bloody cheek! And, er, negotiations continue.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) recumbent
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June 24th, 2004
03:24 pm - I did it... My Way
And now, the end is near
Well, actually, it was last Monday.
It's time to face the final curtain
And tidy up one or two loose ends.
My friend, I'll say it clear
Ye didn't vote for me, ye bastard.
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.
Well, maybe that's going a bit too far. I've managed a whole year without stating my case!
I've lived a life that's full.
Of what, we won't say.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
And put posters on every one of 'em.
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
With just some input from Bertie.
Regrets, I've had a few;
That whole kidnapping thing, for example.
But then again, too few to mention.
So I didn't bother apologising. Or explaining.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
Ah, now, let's not mention planning... I'm waaay to young to have been involved in any of that mullarkey!
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it... my way!
Not like the new guy. One Cllr Michael Conaghan. Bloody lefty, towing his party line. And expressing opinions! The office of Lord Mayor should be above politics! Or opinions. Or policies. Or, as I linked to earlier, any philosophy. Much safer that way.
Better go now - Thursday is my signing-on day down at the dole office...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) sad
Current Music: My Way
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June 21st, 2004
10:47 am - I WIN AGAIN!
Woohoo, some good news at last! According to the news yesterday, I had the highest spend-per-vote of any Irish candidate in the European elections. I win again! It's always good to be on top!
I've heard also been reading that Dana, the split-personality-in-a-dress, will be giving up politics to resume her singing 'career'; while, depending on who you're reading, she's simultaneously going to run for President this autumn.
Personally, I hope it's the latter. She's sure to be whipped by us Soldiers of Destiny (Ah! Bad choice of phrase! Let me just banish those mental images!) and that should wrap up her political ambitions for good. That way, if I decide to contest the 2011 election, I'll have plenty of time for a sex-change operation* first, and one less opponent to worry about.
The former option, resuming her singing career, is an utterly appalling vista.
* Yes, I realise this would be an extremely drastic move just to get elected. I'd also risk alienating my core support of 47,000 young, female voters in the Dublin region. But think of the publicity!
Current Mood: triumphant
Current Music: All Kinds of Everything, Remind Me of Me
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June 16th, 2004
10:13 am - Jobs
Well, I got a good bit of the mundane job out of the way last night. Had two cans of red bull after dinner, and flew around Dublin taking down posters. Paid some foreign chappies to take some posters down, too. Couldn't understand a word they were saying, though. I asked them where they were from and they said something like "Frenchfurzeboyaye", which I guess must be in France. That's one of the old EU countries, isn't it? No work permit problems, then.
So of next week, I've no job. On the plus side, that means I don't have to spend any more time with those chancers, wasters and idiots on the Council. And then there's the opposition!
(Oh yeah, I had to apologise for calling them idiots before... hopefully they won't see this, then).
So I sat down last night and thought about what job I want to be(*). Here's my list:
1. Taoiseach. Advantages: It's a very important job. Lots of foreign travel. Get to go to America every Paddy's Day. Long holidays. Disadvantages: Bertie'd bleedin' kill me!
2. President. Advantages: Same as above, with no responsibilities. Big house - even bigger than the one I have now! Disadvantages: You have to get elected, and apparently only women are eligible now - Mary Robinson, Mary McAleese, Michael D. Higgins...
3. President of the EU Commission. Bertie has his eye on that one, too. Bugger.
4. Sec. Gen. of the UN. Advantages: Lots of foreign travel. Disadvantages: Need to know the names of lots of countries. Not my forte.
5. Taxi driver. Follow in dad's footsteps? Too dangerous, with all those bleedin' terrorists about.
Hmm. May require further thought. Not to worry, though, I'll be looked after... thank God for nepotism and clientilism, the things that made this country what it is today!
* I'm way too important to do a job, I'm the sort of person that needs to be a job. The Lord Mayor, not a Lord Mayor!
Current Mood: contemplative
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June 14th, 2004
12:47 pm - Begrudgers!
Those bastards in the Irish Times are writing about me again!
( Royston waxed overconfident and fell like Icarus )
Could they not have left me alone today of all days? Bastards. Well, shag them, anyway. I'll show that Hennessy git, though - I'll carve my name on his desk next time I'm in there, so I will!
Let's get one thing straight.
The abduction thing. My da was a taxi driver, and he told the ma after he didn't come the night of the bombings that he'd been kidnapped at gunpoint by loyalists and made drive all over the place, after she started shouting at him when he came home the next morning.
I remember it clear as day, I do... the shouting and effing and blinding... anyone would have thought it was Shinners house if they'd overheard! And then da gave me a fiver to wash the car and clean it up good. And I did... it took me ages t get it clean, even the footprints on the inside of the roof! (I assume the da put them there in the struggle when he was fighting off the kidnappers. Awful small footprints, though).
Hmm, wonder how the public will view that newspaper story. Ah, sure, only shagging left-wing liberals and wets from Dublin 4 read the bleedin' Times, anyway. And yer man Icarus - wasn't he in some Greek thing? That'll make me come across as an intellectual. See, there's always a bright side.
Anyway, best be off - have to find a scapegoat for this election debacle.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/angry.gif) angry
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June 13th, 2004
11:25 pm - Counting day
Bugger.
Current Mood: grumpy
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June 12th, 2004
01:21 am - First post.
Right, I think I've got this thing sorted out, now. Bloody complicated, these computers. And as for the Internet. Full of porn.
But anyway. This is the start of my diary thing.
I called it the Life and Times of Royston Brady, MEP. I hope I'm not being presumptious there. Well, we'll see.
Anyway, best get started.
Dear Diary,
I got up early this morning, washed, dressed, said my prayers, had breakfast, and went to the polling station to vote.
Had a nasty scare when I realised I'd forgotten any ID, but I brought the returning officer outside, and pointed at some of my posters that those nice Moldovans had/had not put up/taken down the other day, and that was ok, so it was.
Had another nasty scare when I saw a journalist, but got the Gardai to move him on for causing an obstruction.
Should know if I've been elected sometime tomorrow. I hope I am, because I like planes.
Came home and stayed indoors, like Bertie told me too, and didn't answer the door to anyone.
Wrote some more press releases. Bertie wants to see them all before I issue any more, for some reason. I wonder why? I hope it's not because he wants to steal my ideas!
Well, that's all for now - time to pray under the pictures of Dev, JFK and the Pope, and off to bed.
Royston.
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: A Nation Once Again
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